TEL AVIV, Israel — When Ilana Gritzewsky returned to Israel after being held captive in Gaza for 55 days in November 2023, she had so much adrenaline coursing through her body she couldn’t sleep for two days.
“You don’t understand that it’s really over,” Gritzewsky recalled. “You don’t know who you are or even what your name is.”
A ceasefire between Israel and Hamas is underway and hostages are being released in stages. But after the initial jubilation of being freed, the released captives — who have been held for more than 15 months — are likely to endure a trying reentry, based on the testimony of those who were held hostage themselves.
Gritzewsky, 31, who is originally from Mexico, was kidnapped with her boyfriend from Kibbutz Nir Oz on Oct. 7, 2023, when Hamas-led militants burst across the border, killing around 1,200 people, and kidnapping around 250 people, in an attack that sparked the war in Gaza.
Gritzewsky was released after 55 days during the only previous ceasefire deal a year ago.
More than a year later, Gritzewsky has lingering health issues. She hasn’t regained all of the weight that she lost, she’s prediabetic, and has lingering pain issues from the kidnapping, when her pelvis and jaw were broken and her leg was burned from the motorcycle exhaust. She suffered hearing loss in one ear.
“I’m still not able to really take care of myself,” she said. “I don’t think my brain has really grasped everything I’ve gone through.”
She’s acknowledges she has neglected her own recovery as she advocates tirelessly for her boyfriend’s release.
Fifteen hostages have been released from Gaza, in exchange for hundreds of Palestinian prisoners and detainees, as the current ceasefire for the war that has devastated Gaza moves into its second full week. More than 47,000 Palestinians have been killed in Gaza and wide swaths of the territory have been destroyed. Hamas is expected to release small groups weekly throughout the ceasefire’s initial six-week phase. There are approximately 80 hostages left in Gaza, almost half of whom Israel believes to be dead.
The joy of a warm embrace, and a new reality sets in
When Gritzewsky was freed, she was able to do what she had dreamed of during her captivity: hug her mother and see her family.
She was desperate for a good steak, but due to concerns about health complications spurred by eating too much or too quickly in those with prolonged vitamin and nutritional deficiencies, it took time before she could eat what she wanted.
“You’re used to hostage conditions, so whenever you get food you put some to the side. You ask if you can go to the bathroom, if you can sleep,” she said.
The leadup to her release was traumatic. Gritzewsky said she was told four times she was being released, only to be brought to a different location. Each time her transfer didn’t lead to freedom.
“I thought this was going to be my life forever, that I was going to be a doll for Hamas terrorists, I’d end up having babies with them, I wanted to just smash my head into the wall and die,” she said.
Watching the released hostages enter Israel over the past week was a “storm of emotions,” said Gritzewsky.
“It’s finally starting. Our heroes are starting to come out, and they’re leaving on their own two feet,” she said. But there’s also uncertainty about whether the ceasefire will hold. Gritzewsky’s boyfriend, Matan Zangauker, 25, is not on the list of 33 hostages expected to be released in the first stage of the ceasefire.
Hostages must adjust to regaining their autonomy
The hostages stay in the hospital for several days as they undergo a battery of tests to determine next steps. All 15 of the hostages released over the past two weeks returned in stable condition but were suffering from “mild starvation” and vitamin deficiencies, according to Dr. Ami Banov, an Israeli military doctor who has treated the released hostages. He said many of them suffered injuries in the Oct. 7, 2023, Hamas attack and that the medical care they received was nonexistent or poor quality. Many of them still have pieces of shrapnel in their body.
Some of the women who have returned recently said they were held in tunnels and deprived of sunlight for at least eight months straight, said Banov, which can lead to major vision or skin issues. Those who were held in captivity with others seem to be faring better mentally than hostages who were kept alone, he said.
Each hostage is accompanied by a dedicated team of doctors, nurses, specialists, psychologists, and social workers, medical officials said.
One of the most important things is allowing the returned hostage to lead the recovery, explained Ofrit Shapira, a psychoanalyst who heads a group of health professionals treating freed hostages, their families, and survivors of the Oct. 7 attack. Everyone treating them must ask their permission for each little thing, from turning off a light to changing bedsheets to carrying out medical tests.
“They took everything away that defines them as humans, especially privacy and autonomy, and it’s a challenge to help them regain that,” she said.
Doctors refer to this process as “grounding” said Banov, who likened it to a decompression process, gradually helping the hostages understand they have regained control over such decisions as what to eat, what to wear and where and when to meet their families.
“We feel obligated to give them the option to do whatever they feel right,” he said. But he said everything is being done in “very small steps.”
Adina Moshe was freed after 49 days in captivity. In a first-person account on the Israeli news site N12, she said some hostages will return knowing little about any destruction to their homes or the fates of their loved ones. They will remain suspicious of people and have to contend with aggressive media. Any improvement in their condition can easily reverse, she said.
“In their souls, they will continue to remain in the tunnels for a long time,” she wrote.
It will take a long time to ‘repair wounds of the soul’
Avichai Brodutch, whose wife and three children were kidnapped on Oct. 7 from Kibbutz Kfar Aza will never forget waiting for them to return in the hospital and the moment he saw them for the first time.
“The elevator doors opened and I got my family, reborn,” he said.
Brodutch said the return was both overwhelming and joyful because he feared his family had been killed during Hamas’ initial attack. He said they returned thin and lice-ridden.
The physical issues were quickly treated. But Brodutch said captivity left a lasting imprint on his family’s mental well-being. Each day, he hears a new story about something that happened in Gaza. They relive Oct. 7 over and over, and the challenges remain largest for his wife, Hagar, who cared for their three children and a neighbor’s child, Abigail Edan, then 3, while in captivity.
“It’s going to take a long time to repair the wounds of the soul,” he said.
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